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Catastrophic Wildfires and Apocalyptic Anxiety
Robert D. Stolorow

Living in the Bay Area near San Francisco, I am far from the catastrophic wildfires that have been assaulting Los Angeles and the neighboring communities. Despite this long distance, I have been feeling an uncanny sense of danger, an anxiety that often appears in my body in the form of physical pain. The anxiety bears a similarity to my descriptions of reactions to the horrors of climate change, what I called “apocalyptic anxiety” (Stolorow, 2024).

Such anxiety announces not only the loss of individual lives but also the destruction of human civilization itself, the nullifying of all future human possibilities. It thereby signals the ending of the historical process through which we make sense of our individual existences. Apocalyptic anxiety is thus often accompanied by a gripping sense of meaninglessness, a profound nihilism. “What’s the point?” is a refrain I can imagine haunting the rubble of the LA wildfires.

I have previously discussed the use of metaphysical illusion to evade the catastrophic consequences of climate change—specifically, the view of the earth as an indestructible and timeless metaphysical entity. A common way of evading the Apocalyptic anxiety evoked by the catastrophic wildfires is blame. Blaming, especially as practiced by certain politicians, replaces powerlessness and vulnerability with aggression and illusory prosecutory power. The “blame game” (as opposed to a genuine search for causes) is actually inimical to an attitude that would be helpful.

I have characterized the participatory comportment that facilitates the integration of trauma as an emotional dwelling. In such dwelling, one does not merely seek to understand the other’s emotional pain from the other’s perspective. One does that, but much more. In dwelling, one leans into the other’s emotional pain and participates in it, with the aid of one’s own analogous experiences of pain. The language that one uses to address another’s experience of emotional trauma meets the trauma head-on, articulating the unbearable and the unendurable, saying the unsayable, unmitigated by any efforts to soothe, comfort, encourage, or reassure—such efforts invariably being experienced by the other as a shunning or turning away from his or her traumatized state. Dwelling is thus an undiluted form of emotional bonding, Trauma is more tolerable when felt in the company of a “sibling in the same darkness.”

Stalking Victimization, Elder Abuse, Self-Compassion, and Spirituality: One Psychologist’s Story
Deborah A. Stiles

“Stalking is commonly defined as a set of repetitive, unwelcome, and intrusive behaviors directed towards an individual who consequently experiences apprehension, annoyance, and/or fear for her/his safety or the safety of others” (Maran et al., 2020, p. 1). Being stalked is a traumatic experience that can impact all ages and genders, but most often it is young adult women who become the victims of stalking (Bailey & Morris, 2021). “Stalking victimization disproportionality impacts women compared with men with one in six women versus about one in 17 men indicating they had ever been stalked” (Logan & Walker, 2021, p. NP7467)

I am 75-years-old and for the last sixth months, and for the first time in my life, I have been stalked. I live alone with my dog and both of us have been threatened by the same neighbor. Most of the threats have been sung directly to me or recorded and played again and again. The threats to my dog included a song about harming my dog. (You read that correctly, most of the threats have been sung).

I am a psychologist, researcher, human rights fellow, and professor emerita. Because I am being stalked by an acquaintance who is a neighbor, I am trying to learn as much as I can about stalking victimization, the elderly, gender, stalking prevention and intervention as well as how to cope and heal.

I am not an expert on stalking and stalking victimization. Most of my commentary comes from my subjective experiences and articles I read recently. When deciding which research studies to include in this paper, my main criteria has been, “Will this research study help me to cope with the trauma I am experiencing from stalking victimization?”

Overreacting or Not?

I wondered if I might be overreacting to the stalker’s behavior until I read the Stalking Behavior Screening Questions:

• Is the offender following you, watching you, showing up unexpectedly, or communicating with you in ways that seem obsessive or make you concerned for your safety? (My answer is Yes).
• Has the offender repeatedly initiated unwanted contact with you (for example, repeated phone calls, texts, messages, emails, gifts, etc. or through third parties)? (My answer is Yes).
• Has the offender threatened you or done other things to intimidate you? What have they done that has frightened or alarmed you? (My answer is Yes).
• Has the offender significantly and directly interfered with your life? Have they assaulted you while stalking, harassing, or threatening you? Have they forcibly kept you from leaving or held you against your will, caused you to have a serious accident, physically assaulted your friends or family members, or seriously attacked you in other ways? (My answer is No).

I am an older adult, but my neighbor is middle-aged. There’s a risk that law enforcement will take the middle-aged neighbor more seriously than a 75-year-old. However, my stalking situation must be taken seriously. According to the National Clearinghouse on Abuse in Later Life (2022), “Stalking is a criminal, traumatic, and violent victimization that requires an urgent response… Older victims of stalking often face ageist biases and are less likely to be believed than younger people.”

Studies of Stalking and Older Adults

My main reaction to being stalked has been fear. This reaction is not at all surprising. The definition of stalking is that it is a “pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear and/or to suffer substantial emotional distress. Common stalking tactics include surveillance, excessive contact, invading privacy, sabotage, property damage, and other behaviors that cause fear” (see definition of stalking from SPARC https://www.stalkingawareness.org). Because my main reaction to being stalked has been fear, I decided I need to know much more about stalking and fear.

A 2012 article published in Sex Roles titled “The influence of Prior Relationship, Gender, and Fear on the Consequences of Stalking Victimization” explored having had a previous relationship with the stalker and noted that other researchers have observed that a prior romantic relationship with the stalker was associated with more negative experiences. This specific finding does not apply to me because I’ve never had a romantic relationship with my neighbor. What seems to be most significant and relevant for me is my fear. This article also found that fear was the most important factor. “Whilst gender and prior victim-stalker relationship had some impact on the consequences of stalking, victim fear was a stronger predictor. Fear is a complex variable that potentially has predictive power in stalking cases and warrants further investigation” (Sheridan & Lyndon, 2012, p. 349).

According to a study conducted in the Czech Republic titled, “Examining Factors Associated with Stalking-Related Fears Among Men and Women Stalked by Male and Female Acquaintances,” many stalking victims who are only acquaintances feel high levels of fear, and the high levels of fear are more often experienced by women than men. My stalker is a neighbor and acquaintance; I’m afraid he is capable of harming me. Although I have used the coping strategies mentioned in the article from the Czech Republic, I am still living in fear. The proactive coping strategies mentioned in that article are: “meeting the offender face to face, reporting stalking to the police, seeking professional or informal help, and a change of address” (Podaná & Imríšková, 2016, p. 802). Contacting the police has been the strategy I have used the most. I even submitted a Petition for a Court Order of Protection.

An article by Noon and colleagues (2019) titled, “Eyes wide open: exploring men’s and women’s self-reported and physiological reactions to threat and crime,” explored the gender-based psychological effects of men and woman while viewing crime-related images. This Australian study found that have men and women have similar physiological responses to crime images, but men and women appear to interpret these reactions differently. Women report a high fear of crime, but men do not. The authors propose that men and women may be interpreting their physiological responses in line with gender-prescribed scripts.

My Fears

Psychologists today know more than they formerly did about the effects of stalkers on the mental health of victims/survivors. Depression and PTSD are not uncommon reactions. Although I am fearful, I love life too much to be depressed. However, my concerns about my stalker are not over. Perhaps someday I will develop PTSD?

The size of my stalker intimidates me; he’s a big, strong man. I am a slim woman of average height. My only relevant physical asset is that I can run fast; I still run in races at the age of 75. Yesterday morning, my stalker sang songs about the guns he owns. I am very concerned that my stalker owns guns; I do not own a gun. Quite frankly, I do not believe I could survive an attack from him. At this point in my life, I will employ the “change of address” strategy (Podaná & Imríšková, 2016). I am planning to move far, far away from the stalker.

Dealing with the Harmful Effects of Stalking Victimization

An article by Reyns and colleagues titled, “Identifying and Explaining the Harmful Effects of Stalking Victimization: An Analysis of the National Crime Victimization Survey,” studied the invasiveness of the stalking and how the degree of invasiveness impacted the harm felt by the victim. Over the last six months, I feel I lost a lot my privacy, my dignity, and my humanity. Rehns et al. state that greater harm was experienced by victims if the stalker had illegally entered their home. Oh my. I am almost certain that this happened in my house.

Reyns et al. also found that “degree of harm was greater among victims who were older, female, and had household incomes below $25,000 a year (p, 233). I am in the greater degree of harm demographic as I am older, female, and currently working only part-time.

I realized that I can’t change the demographic I’m in, but I can improve my coping skills. Seven months ago, I had never been a victim of stalking. The stalking of me began when I was an older adult, 75-years-old. I am a psychologist, researcher, and spiritual person; I believe that who I am as a person can help me develop skills for coping with stalking victimization.

Beginning to Heal

Studying the research about stalking and stalking victimization is helping me to feel stronger and more in control of my life. From my research, I found that many stalking victims feel high levels of fear. I do, and in that way, I am a typical older adult.

The term self-compassion refers to a kind, nurturing stance toward oneself during times that threaten one’s self-worth, while acknowledging that “being imperfect is part of being human” (Homan 2016, p. 111). I want to forgive myself for being human and to recognize how unusual my current circumstances are. I am working on forgiving myself for feeling afraid so often.

I am finding that having self-compassion, meditating, and praying to God have relieved some of my stress and helped me to gain perspective. I met for counseling with another psychologist, but I feel that psychotherapy will be most helpful after I’ve moved 1200 miles away from my stalker.

Private prayer is one of the indicators of religious faith, and prayer can improve an individual’s mental health (Briggs, 2013). For me, prayer helps me to calm myself and gain perspective. Prayers of thanksgiving have been found to be predictors of subjective well-being, self-esteem, and optimism (Briggs, 2013). I have tried several coping strategies. Currently, my three best strategies are researching stalking victimization, practicing self-compassion, and praying Psalm 23. (Although it may seem inappropriate to mention Psalm 23 in a psychology article, please consider that being stalked can be a matter of life and death).

An article titled, “The Impact of Stalking-Related Fear and Gender on Personal Safety Outcomes,” suggests that women who are being stalked could use the following categories of strategies: moving inward (e.g., seeking a therapist, using drugs), moving outward (e.g., seeking social support), moving towards (e.g., reasoning with the stalker), moving against (threatening or harming the stalker), and moving again (attempting to escape the stalker; Spitzberg & Cupach, 2007). In my opinion, “using drugs” and “threatening or harming the stalker” would be counter-productive, but the other methods can work well.

A newsletter article titled “Stalking & Abuse in Later Life” mentions that, “Abuse in later life is the willful abuse, neglect, abandonment, or financial exploitation of an adult (age 50+) by someone in an ongoing, trust-based relationship (i.e., spouse, partner, family member, or caregiver) with the victim, as well as sexual abuse of an older adult by anyone. This can be physical, sexual, or psychological abuse, as well as neglect, abandonment, and financial exploitation of an older person by another person or entity, that occurs in any setting (i.e., home, community, or facility)” (Stalking Prevention Awareness, & Resource Center (SPARC), 2022, p. 1).

I am 75 and I am in “later life”; my stalker is a neighbor and a member of the same residential community I live in. I am sharing my personal perspective, which I believe is both a strength and a weakness of this brief study. According to Jasinski and Dietz (2013), “More research is needed to understand the context in which stalking among older adults occurs so that supportive programs can be directed toward those older adults who are at risk of becoming a victim” (p. 15). My own experience has been that my neighbors have not helped me, but the local police have been very responsive and supportive.

Conclusion

While most domestic violence and stalking research focuses primarily upon younger victims, the results of my personal exploratory project suggest that such types of victimization are experienced across the life span. While intimate partner violence and stalking are often considered issues for younger women, they can also affect the lives of older women as well as older men. “With the expected increase in the size of the older population in the future, it is nearly inevitable that there will be an increase in the sheer number of older [stalking] victims, if not also an increase in the actual rates of victimizations” (Jasinski & Dietz, 2013 p. 16). In retrospect, my personal research project on stalking victimization is still helping me to cope with one of the most difficult challenges in my life.