Growth Through Grief:

Ukrainian society is currently drowning in the pain of loss and mourning. Every day brings horrifying news that paralyzes and exhausts every Ukrainian.

While there is extensive research on trauma, especially military trauma, there’s a noticeable lack of information on grief during war—even though it’s an inseparable part of armed conflict. As hard as it may be to believe, these severe trials and experiences can contribute to resilience and growth through grief.

As the American poet Bicchieneri wrote: “So it’s true… grief is the price we pay for love.” Military losses include many secondary losses: homes, communities, the ability to gather with family and receive support from loved ones, hopes and dreams, the sense of safety and stability, financial security, faith in humanity, faith in the future and in our ability to plan, social capital, careers, self-confidence, identity, and life’s meaning.

In critical circumstances, people might not immediately recognize all these losses, but they eventually catch up. It’s important to acknowledge feelings as they arise. There’s no need to rush or force the process. However, remain attentive to yourself, your loved ones, friends, and colleagues. Validating emotions—bearing witness and staying present with someone who is grieving—is the deepest form of support.

The loss of loved ones in war is often complicated by the simultaneous loss of several close people. This is accompanied by constant stress and chronic fear for others’ safety. I also frequently hear about physical reactions—trembling, tears, drowsiness after bombings. These are natural bodily responses to living in sustained fear for personal safety. Another complicating factor is the injustice and brutality of certain deaths and the helplessness in protecting oneself and loved ones.

Survivors often experience guilt for having survived. They may also be unable to bid farewell to the deceased or hold mourning rituals due to threats to life and safety. During war, grief accumulates. This raises an essential question: Are there ways to support healthy grieving? How do we foster post-traumatic growth?

Researcher William Worden proposed a model called The Four Tasks of Mourning:

• Accept the reality of the loss
• Experience the pain of grief
• Adjust to a world without the deceased
• Find a way to remember the deceased while continuing to live your life

This is where resilience—the capacity to endure and grow—comes into play.

Resilient people embody realistic optimism. They can reframe grief and focus on what remains rather than what’s lost. Realistic optimism is not denial or “toxic positivity.” It helps people notice what’s still good in life and what they can lean on. They’re flexible in their beliefs and direct energy toward what they can control. If you're prone to ruminations and obsessive thoughts, now is the time to train yourself to notice what’s within your control. Optimism is a protective factor against depression following trauma or loss.

Another crucial component is the ability to reclaim hope. Hope shields against mental distress and illness. It also helps combat helplessness. That’s why it's vital to support others and nurture hope. When people arrive to clear rubble after explosions and help victims—that too is an act of hope. As Viktor Frankl wrote, those who hold onto hope have a clearer sense of meaning in their suffering and adversity.

The most beautiful aspect of hope is that it emerges in the exact situation a person is in. Depending on the level of danger, one can hope for something in the distant future or for a small act right here and now.

It's important to practice mindfulness—being present in the moment. Observe your body, thoughts, and emotions here and now. This can prevent fear of future losses and feelings of vulnerability regarding things beyond one’s control.

Mindfulness strengthens stress resilience and emotional regulation—even in the most difficult circumstances.

Mindfulness strengthens stress resilience and emotional regulation—even in the most difficult circumstances.

Most people possess the potential for resilience. It is a natural process, but it can also be developed with professional guidance. Seek out psychologists and therapists if you feel you need support.

I believe in you and your growth.